


Arbutus

by minjimin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Tsukishima is an idiot and in denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 15:56:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9332459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minjimin/pseuds/minjimin
Summary: He has always been a coward, so now he wants to take a chance.I suck at summaries... T_T





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first fic in a while so please treat me kindly. >_< I also wrote some works for Bangtan Boys specifically Yoonmin - which is life- and I'll upload them here too. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy~
> 
> P.S English is not my first language so please forgive me if you see some grammatical errors.
> 
> I DON'T OWN HAIKYUU AND ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS AND THE HANAHAKI AU.  
> sadly....

WINTER

When I was a child, I’ve always dreamed of having a family. To meet the girl who’d love me for all my flaws and all my insecurities, all my freckles and all my stutters.

Then I met him. The tall, pale, blonde boy who I considered as my hero back then. He only said one word to those bullies and they left me…well, I think he might’ve been talking to me at that time as well.

But the point is, he’s strong.

Much stronger than me.

Stronger than I will ever be.

You see, all my life I’ve been a coward; I’m always scared. Afraid to take chances, afraid to take a risk, afraid to face reality. If I could, I’d always be behind Tsukki and never show my face to the world- I’ve always faced judgments from people and it makes me so afraid to make mistakes.

But he never blamed me for those; not even once. Tsukki might have a cold aura and a rude mouth, but I guess growing up with him made me an expert with Tsukki-language. He’s the type of person to show his love through actions and small gestures.

And that’s just one of the many reasons I love him.

I’m really not surprised that I fell in love with him.

Why not?

He had me at my best.

He had me at my worst.

Yet he stayed.

And treated me as a true friend would. I love him.

 

Which brings me here at the middle of the night in the cold winter air, at a park bench.

I stare at the swings and slides; the whole place.

I laughed softly. “This is where I first saw him you know…Tsukki.”

“Yama…”

“He looked like every bit of a knight in shining armor that day. My knight…”

I felt something cold touch my cheek.

I looked up.

“It started snowing…” I sighed gently and turned to the person beside me and touched his hand firmly.

“Go home Hinata, it’s getting cold.”

The redhead stared at me incredulously, shaking his head. “No, you’re not fine Yamaguchi. I’ll stay, I texted my mom anyway and told her I’ll stay out late. I’d be back before midnight, she understands. Besides…”

He squeezed my hand.

 

I blinked.

I blinked again.

And again.

I bit my lip hard.

“You can let it out you know.”

I felt his head drop unto my shoulder and his short arms wound around me affectionately.

And that’s when I let it out.

A tear rolled down my cheek.

And another.

And another.

And then I couldn’t control the sobs racking my whole body. I can taste the metallic tang of my blood at my tongue.

And all the while staring at the swings.

I should’ve known.

Every little sign I shouldn’t have ignored.

Maybe I wouldn’t be this way now.

 

_“You’re too young to be sick.”_

_The woman is skimming through my file, glancing at me sympathetically every now and then._

_But I don’t need it._

_Pity._

_I’m proud that I love my best friend._

_“You do know that we’ll have to perform a surgery as soon as possible-for your body’s sake.”_

_“No.”_

_The doctor took of her glasses-it reminds me of Tsukki’s- and took a deep breath. “I know it feels like you’re throwing away your feeling for that person, but this is your life we are talking about. As you know, the infection is rapidly growing all throughout your system. I’m giving four, five months at most before you...”_

_I had the nerve to look at her straight in the eye._

_“Before I what?”_

_She took a deep breath. “Before your body gives out.” She began writing something at her notebook. “Is he really worth it? All this pain?”_

_My mind goes back to the tall, pale, blonde boy who rescued me._

_Then at the basin where I puked some petals earlier._

_“Yes.”_

 

“It hurts…” Hinata tightened his hug around me.

“I know Yama…I know.” I tried to swallow the bile coming up my throat but before I knew it, I’m on the ground kneeling and pouring pink and white petals all over me. “Yamaguchi!” Hinata began pulling me up.

“Let’s go to the hospital!”

“No..” I whispered.

Petals still trying to escape my mouth. I heard a frustrated sound escape from my friend’s mouth. “You’re going to die! Do you hear me?! This is not some game wherein you get a second life. This is going to kill you…” He wound his hand through my hair in a comforting manner. “You tried…you gave it all. You worked long and hard.” I stared at Hinata’s bright eyes; it’s sparkling with unshed tears.

“It’s over Yama…”

Another tear escaped my eye.

“Please live.”

 

_I’m a coward._

_Always afraid._

_So now, I want to take a chance. I invited Tsukki out for dinner and planned to confess to him._

_“Tsukki, we’re friends right?”_

_“Mmhmm”. He murmured through his cup. “Why?”_

_“So I can tell you anything…without judgments. Right?”_

_Pale eyes looked at me intensely. “Of course.”_

_“You’re my hero”_

_Tsukki spluttered, almost choking on his cake. “Wha-Yama-”_

_“I really admire you ever since we were kids.”_

_“…”_

_“You stayed by me even when I showed you all that is wrong with me.”_

_“Are you confessing to me Tadashi?”_

_I looked up quickly. Am I really that transparent to Tsukki? I rubbed my neck and sneaked a glance at him sheepishly._

_“I guess so…I’ve always li-loved you. And I can’t keep wondering if you could return my feelings. I know I’m risking a lot with what I’m saying but I don’t want to go on pretending that I don’t like you more than a best friend.”_

_I’m shaking by the end of my little speech._

_“I love you Tadashi.” Those pale eyes I love so much dimmed considerably. “But only as a friend.” It was silent for a moment._

_“It’s Kuroo isn’t it?”_

_Tsukki look surprised.“What?”_

_“The one who makes you happy.” I laughed warily. “I love you Tsukki, of course I notice everything about you.”_

_Tsukki nodded guiltily. “How long now?”_

_“Since the start of the year.”_

_“So six months now.”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Do you like him?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Do you love him?”_

_“…I think so…”_

_“You hesitated.” I teased._

_Tsukki smirked at me. “Maybe I did.” He pushed his glasses up with his index finger. “Look, we’ve been friends practically our whole lives. I care for you Yamaguchi, I really do. I’d give you everything if I can…but this…I don’t want to love you because I’m obligated you but because I want to.”_

_I smiled sadly. “I know…I wouldn’t want you to either.”_

 

 

“There are lot of us who loves you Yamaguchi, don’t waste your life because of a boy.”

“He’s not just any boy. He’s my best friend.”

“There are lot of other people out there for you! He’s your best friend you say but let’s be honest Yama, you guys haven’t really spoken ever since you confessed. That’s five months! He hasn’t tried to reach or talk to you, he brush off all your efforts to talk or reconnect, you guys rarely hang out anymore, and when you do, you’re more like a third wheel. You always go out and eat together during Christmas, that’s your tradition….” Hinata’s voice dropped down to a whisper. “And yet I see you here staring at a pair of swings in a park at the middle of the goddamn night. Alone.”

I felt colder than ever. I picked up a small light pink flower from a sea of petals. I’ve never puked a whole flower before. It’s beautiful.

Arbutus

“Not because Tsukkishima saved you back then that you’d let him destroy you know.” “

It’s my fault…I’m just not good enough. Not handsome enough, with my freckles and lousy skills and stupidity, I can’t even perfect a fucking serve Hinata! And that’s my only use in the team! I’m useless!”

“Don’t you fucking dare Tadashi. I swear to God…” I’ve never seen Hinata so livid before. “You know what, you’re right. You guys always call me and Kageyama idiots but you are worse than us. You are really stupid Yamacguchi; you’re an idiot for always doubting yourself, for not believing more. For letting some other idiot who clearly has denial issues for his best friend has some sort of power over his life. You are stupid Yamaguchi Tadashi.”

Every word feels like a stab.

“That and a coward.”

I gasped.

“You’re so afraid of living without Tsukishima that’s why you don’t want to forget about him don’t you?”

“I…”

My lips trembled as I tried to speak.

My friend knelt in front of me and rubbed my hands together in an effort to warm me.

It does.

“Live…please.”

I took a deep breath.

I’m a coward.

Always afraid.

So now, I want to take a chance.

 

 

SPRING

 

 

 

Tsukishima closed his locker door after getting out his books for his first class. His head throbbed. He has been having migraines almost every day.

It wasn’t like this before; ever since winter break, he hasn’t seen Yamaguchi again. He’s his best friend. Even if they don’t talk much now, he will always be his best friend. Of course he’s worried. It’s a new school year already and they’re now juniors, one step closer to finishing high school.

Yamaguchi always said that he can’t wait to go to university.

 

_“Which university?”_

_“Anywhere you’ll be Tsukki!”_

_And then he gave him a dazzling smile._

 

“I swear to God if he moved and didn’t tell me…”

“Yo Stingyshima!” The blonde sighed audibly.

“What do you want idiots?”

Both said idiots frowned at him.

“He’s back.”

The tall male snapped his head quickly at the redhead. “Where is he?”

“He’s at the classroom, but I have to tell you beforehand, he-” He didn’t even let Hinata finish and dashed-yes he ran- to his classroom.

“Yamaguchi!”

There he is.

Arranging his notebooks on his table.

He looks… Fine.

Healthier.

He’ll admit, Tsukishima noticed that his best friend started losing some weight at the middle of the school year last year. He was thinking that he might’ve taken the rejection badly so he tried to stay away from Tadashi even if it’s really hurting him.

He looks… Confused.

“Where have you been for three months Yamaguchi? Did you get sick?”

He heard Hinata and Kageyama entering the classroom behind him, they’re trying to tell him something but he’s too busy to actually listen.

“Oy.”

His best friend scratched his head and smiled at him embarrassed.

“I’m sorry…I’ve undergone a surgery recently for some illness I had last year. My mind might be a little hazy so…”

Tsukishima can feel dread coming up his stomach like a little monster.

 

 

 

 

“You are?”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm generally a happy person but I tend to gravitate towards angst genre. Why?? lol.  
> Anyway, try to listen to BTS Suga's First Love while reading to get into the mood.  
> It's awesome.
> 
> Arbutus which is the flower which our cutie Guchi vomitted means only love/you are the only one I love, hence the title. :D


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